You have to leave room in life to Dream.
~Buffy Sainte-Marie

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Good Grief!

Monday, February 10, was a difficult day for me. The first bit of sad news was that my grandma passed away. Hours later I found out that a great and dear friend's cancer is back and doctors aren't giving him much hope.

The Wednesday before, I had gotten a text from my mom saying that my grandma wasn't doing too well and that she was put under 24 hour hospice care. The hospice workers thought that Friday would be the day. Friday was pure torture! Every time my phone made a noise I jumped, thinking it was news of my grandma passing. But she kept hanging on. It wasn't until Monday morning that she peacefully passed away.

Of course I was sad. I cried. Part of it was that I feel like I haven't been the best granddaughter. She was basically deaf, so I couldn't call. She had dementia, so she didn't know who I was. These are the excuses that I told myself when I would feel bad about my lack of communication with her. But who doesn't like to get mail? I would occasionally send her a card. I just feel like I could have done more to help her feel loved and joy in her last years.

Her funeral was the following week in New Ulm. We all flew to MN for that. It was nice to see my cousins and their kids. It was nice to see my parents and brother. But it was also hard.

A few years back we met Jordan. He was an awesome fun guy. Less than a year later he was diagnosed with skin cancer. This was weird, because he so didn't fit the "profile." He had some chemo. He changed his eating habits (basically vegan with no salt or sugar). He retired. He took experimental drugs. And it seemed to be working! But a few weeks back, the tumors started growing again. He is eligible for another study and different drugs. But the doctors had originally told him that if it came back, this particular cancer type had a recovery/remission rate of less than 5%. Of course, we're all hoping and praying he's in the 5%. But this cancer really seems to like him. The awesome and amazing thing is that it doesn't seem to get Jordan down. He is still happy, calm, and at peace. He is handling everything with such grace. And his wife, Paola too. I would be a complete basket case.

We're back in Utah now. We're really enjoying it here. More on that later. I have a library date with the kids!